Father-Daughter/Mother-Son Dance — Make Them Special!
I have to thank Amy (of Amy & Matt, 5/22/2009), one of my brides-to-be, for this post. She was the latest of my clients to ask for song suggestions about the special dances at her wedding. I get this question every now and then and each time I spend way too much time researching and typing out responses. It’s time I canonize my thoughts in my blog. The truth is, many of the special dances I see lack emotion and “specialness.” They are mechanical and awkward. Personally, I might rather see a couple forgo the special dances than to perform a mechanical, perfunctory obligatory Father-Daughter or Mother-Son dance, but that’s just me. Though most of this article refers to the Father-Daughter dance, a similar thought process should go into the Mother-Son dance. Here are some tips to make those special dances more special.
First, if you want a list of song suggestions, do an online search for “father-daughter dance,” or similar wording. You will find list after list of suggestions. This will give you a good idea of what’s been done before. But that might be another problem–the fact that they have all been done before–too many times. Some of these songs are as overdone as the Chicken Dance. To some, this is a biggie. If it’s not a biggie to you, that’s great! You are not burdened by having to do something unique! Either way, these lists are a good place to start.
Second, many of these songs have been tagged as overly sappy, idealistic, or even creepy. Face it, many of the songs were written in a different era that may reflect a father-daughter relationship born of old-fashioned notions that are blatantly out-dated. Or they are lyrics that, for whatever reason, don’t reflect the relationship, or the moment. Consider the lyrics of “Daddy’s Little Girl.” Maybe its just me, but the lyrics seem to suggest more of a bedtime lullaby than a celebratory, meaningful dance. Here are the lyrics:
You’re the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold,
You’re daddy’s little girl to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are,
You’re mommy’s bright and shining star.
You’re the spirit of Christmas, my star on the tree,
You’re the Easter bunny to mommy and me.
You’re sugar you’re spice, you’re everything nice,
And you’re daddy’s little girl.
You’re the end of the rainbow, my pot of gold,
You’re daddy’s little girl to have and hold.
A precious gem is what you are,
You’re mommy’s bright and shining star.
You’re the treasure I cherish so sparkling and bright,
You were touched by the holy and beautiful light.
Like angels that sing a heavenly thing,
And you’re daddy’s little girl.
I suggest you don’t just close your eyes and point to a song on the Father-Daughter/Mother-Son song list, especially if you want a meaningful moment. Instead, put a lot of thought into it. Consider, first of all, what your relationship means. Maybe your pop was one of those dads who was always there for you and that’s what you think of first when you think of him. Or perhaps he has always made you laugh and you think that might be a nice aspect of your relationship to honor. Maybe it’s not so much the relationship you want to honor, but maybe its a moment you want to relive instead, like that song that became special to you two at your Jr. High Father-Daughter Dance. Is there a song from a movie soundtrack that you and your dad watched together that became meaningful to you? Or maybe the perfect Father-Daughter Dance song for you two is “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” because you spent so many wonderful Saturday afternoons watching the Phillies with your dad. (Not sure how you would dance to that one though!) Perhaps there is a special song you and your dad grew up to; maybe one he used to sing to you, or one you both sang together on the way to the camp site every summer. Maybe you just want to tell him “thank you” in a song.
Or consider your dad’s point of view. He might have a song that’s special to him. Ask him. He might want a song that reflects you growing up and him giving you away. Also, consider that a Father-Daughter dance could symbolize your dad letting go and relinquishing his duties as protector to a new man, your husband. That’s a heavy concept, and one not easily appropriated for some dads, I’m sure.
Nor does the song have to be deeply meaningful. Make it fun instead! If your dad has always made you laugh growing up, then have one more laugh together! Turn the dance into a fun time, rather than a serious moment. Your guests will love it! If your dad was always one of those “cool” dads, then you might want to do a crazy dance routine like this one. Not all dads can pull that off, but a cool dad might want to at least attempt it! It’s one more chance to create a memory together! And that’s another thing… You don’t have to dance to remember the past; create a new memory right then and there that you will both laugh about for years to come.
That brings me to another point. Why not spend time with your dad in the weeks leading up to the Father-Daughter Dance with dance lessons? That’s one more special time to share with him. Trust me, from here on out, the majority of your special moments will be spent with a man other than your dad. Invite a photographer to take pictures of your dance lessons and then project them onto a screen at your wedding during the dance! How meaningful would that be!
So who is going to pick the song? You or him? Or will you decide together? Do you trust your dad to “surprise” you with his selection? Or do you agree full disclosure is the best way to go? If there is a surprise waiting to be sprung, make sure it is something you can both dance to.
One of the most meaningful and heart-touching dances I have witnessed happened at Andrew and Luana’s wedding last summer. Luana is Brazilian and the two of them took special dance lessons for their First Dance which was a fast-paced Brazilian dance. Not the usual First Dance, to say the least! It had everyone’s attention! But as unique and intriguing as that dance was, it is not what I remember most from their special dances. What I remember most was the special moment that took place on the dance floor between Andrew and his mother. At one point during the Mother-Son dance, Andrew started tearing up. His mother pulled a tissue from someplace and daubed his eyes during the dance. For a second, Andrew forgot where he was and started to lay his head on his mother’s breast, something I’m sure she pined for, and something which I’m sure, for that split second, conjured up all the times he had done so when he was growing up. For sure, it would have been one of the last times ever for such a cherished moment. It happened in a brief moment of time, but everyone saw it. It touched us all. It was a mother-taking-care-of-her-baby moment and when it happened, it captured everyone’s heart and we all let out a sigh. It was precious! The choreographed Brazilian dance which I’m sure Andrew and Luana spent hours practicing, was eclipsed by this one tender, unscripted moment.
I am working on a list of not-the-usual Father-Daughter/Mother-Son songs. Keep checking back for my progress on that list.
Will Stephens is the owner/operator of 4Most Sound & Light based in the Philadelphia, PA area. He serves Delaware Valley brides with superb service and a memorable experience. If you are looking for a Philadelphia wedding DJ, you are welcome to visit his site at www.4MostSound.com.
Copyright Will Stephens, 2009
Tags: 4MostSound.com, Father-Daughter Dance, Mother-Son Dance, Philadelphia wedding DJ, Song Selection, Special wedding dance, wedding receptions
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March 7, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Very insightful! I really liked the added video. A must read for all bride and grooms!